Evel Knievel makes the final jump
What would the '70s have been without him?
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The world is getting larger
A lot of people use time to denote distance.
How far is it to Stan’s place?
About a half hour.
But as the population grows and traffic gets worse, the time to get places increases. Stan is now about an hour away even though he hasn’t moved.
How far is it to New York City?
About an hour flight.
But with crowded airports, security checks, delays and such, New York is as far away as Denver once was, while Denver seems to have moved into the Pacific Ocean.
It’s a small world? Maybe once upon a time.
Envy I can enjoy
Today we shot a TV commercial at the home of some very wealthy people. I’m usually turned off by this kind of wealth because it often goes hand in hand with ostentation and lack of taste.
But these people had superb taste. They’re involved in the cultural community and have fabulous art throughout their home. I wanted their art. And enough walls to display it all. Damn.
Oh, and in the garage, next to the yard equipment (you gotta be okay with rich folks who do their own yard work) was a 1966 427 Corvette coupe. Double damn.
Mmmmm, good drugs
The not-so-secret about NyQuil is that it gives a cheap buzz. Here, from an article in Wired, is why:
Acetaminophen
One of the many wonder-pharmaceuticals that can be derived from coal tar, acetaminophen was used for nearly a century as a painkiller and fever reducer before anyone figured out how it worked. We now know that as the drug breaks down in the body, it turns into a cannabinoid: yes, stoners, the same type of compound that makes marijuana so irresistible. Doctors also once thought acetaminophen made users more talkative and outgoing. Current research suggests this idea was half-baked.Dextromethorphan HBr
A cough suppressant. Well, actually, in the body it becomes dextrorphan, a cough suppressant, and levorphanol, a painkiller five times as powerful as morphine. Like PCP and ketamine, DXM is also an NMDA receptor antagonist, so the National Institute on Drug Abuse lists it as a "dissociative" drug. Twelve times the recommended dose of NyQuil leads to distorted perceptions of sight and sound and produces feelings of detachment — dissociation — from the environment and oneself. For people whose bodies are unusually slow at metabolizing the drug, even low doses of DXM trigger full-blown "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" psychedelic trips.Doxylamine succinate
Officially, this ingredient is on the label as an antihistamine. But it is equally useful as a sleep aid, providing a nice, convenient one-two... Zzzz.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Another idea from Mr. Crankypants®
I went grocery shopping at about 2:15 today. There weren't many people in the market and yet it seemed like the few who were there were on a mission to block the aisles. Twice different shoppers clogged the way as they chatted on the phone. (Not to menstion the woman who must have been having a telepathic conversation with the broccoli.)
So, being the malcontent and advertising guy I am, I had an idea. In the spirit of the Hang Up and Drive bumper stickers, I propose signs on shopping carts declaring:
Damn alarm
OH, TO BE A BEAR
A drippy predawn funkitude dares me
to wake and face encroaching winter.
Days too short, but not enough night
as cranky hibernation genes revolt.
Lesser mammals have it right:
this is the season best taken unconscious.
Black Brown Friday
The day after Thanksgiving is shopping madness, with frantic hordes crashing the doors at 4 a.m. to scoop up bargains, right? Not so much for me.
In the middle of the afternoon I moseyed over to Target, ignored the stacks of promotional items and shoppers with carts piled high, and got a new shower caddy. Then I went down stairs to the Home Depot Design Center and bought a curtain panel for the office. And that was it. So much for doing my part for the economy.
Sharp sellers use sharp numbers.
Recent research has concluded that houses listed with a "round number" price—like $325,000—don't sell as quickly as homes listed with "sharp numbers," even if the number is higher, like $325,437. This is because of a quirk in the way we perceive numbers.
Though the research doesn't mention it, I think it's also possible that buyers see a rounded number as a ballpark-ish number thrown out there for negotiation purposes. The seller says $325,000? Mmmm, how about $310,000? On the other hand, $325,437 sounds like a carefully considered number backed up by a solid reason. Gee, they must have really researched the property value. Or maybe it has already been reduced from $335,000. Better jump on this puppy before someone else snatches it up.
OJ ran through airports, I flew
Last night I dreamed I had an iPhone. Actually, three iPhones. But they were different—about the dimensions of a paperback book and only as thick as, say, a dime.
I had these iPhones as I was flying, like Superman, through an airport. Past the ticket counters, through the concourse, over the heads of astonished passengers... Whee!
As I approached a security checkpoint, I saw the TSA people getting anxious, thinking I might fly past them. Before they could draw weapons, I landed gracefully, whipped my slim iPhones from my breast pocket (hey, why am I wearing a suit?) and placed them in the plastic tub to be X-rayed. See, folks, nothing to fear from me.
But when my iPhones came out of the X-ray machine, they were rolled up like cannoli. Yikes! I tried to smooth them flat, but they rolled up again. After a few more attempts they stayed sort of flat.
A security guy ask what they were. I explained they were a combination phone, PDA, GPS (something to consider, Apple), MP3 player, video player, web browser and, apparently, they gave me the power to fly. If only.
